I wouldn’t trust either of them within thirty-nine and a half feet of my child! But who would actually be the worst?
Friar Lawrence literally looked two teens in the eye and said, why yes, I’ll help you get married. Then he proceeded to give the EXTREMELY IMPORTANT letter detailing how Juliet isn’t actually dead to someone who has no idea what the stakes are. Shouldn’t he have said something like, “Hey man, if you don’t deliver this letter it’s going to be really, really, really, really, really bad?” Or maybe he did and the other friar just thought to himself, “Ha, another one of Larry’s jokes. What a guy!”
But the fact remains that Friar Lawrence just doesn’t seem to have the greatest judgment in the world. What would happen if the kids said they wanted to go to an amusement park and then begged him to let them ride the scariest, most insane roller coaster the world has ever known? And they’re, like, five years old? If he didn’t think society had a good point in not letting kids secretly elope, I can’t imagine he would have a problem with overlooking a “you must be this tall to ride” sign.
But maybe I’m not being fair. After all, kids got married a lot younger back in the Friar’s time. Maybe he just looked at Romeo and Juliet and, knowing their families, thought, “Hey! If they get married, maybe this will end the feud, so I’ll be doing a good thing. Plus, Paris is annoying.” Maybe we would all do the same thing if we were Larry…
Going up against the Friar, we have the Grinch. He’s mean, he’s green, and he’s not afraid to use Dramamine if the kids start making too much noise. Also, little known fact about this guy: the most diabolical thing he ever does is give Cindy Lou Who a drink before sending her back to bed. Now she’s going to wake up again to use the bathroom! That poor girl’s going to be crazy tired for Christmas Day.
And okay, maybe stealing Christmas decorations isn’t quite as bad as marrying two kids, but think about it: he’s literally diabolical enough that he SUCCEEDS in stealing absolutely everyone’s Christmas decorations. He’s somehow able to sneak into everyone’s house in the middle of the night. If that’s not creepy AND creepily talented, I don’t know what is.
I mean, hey! Maybe his heart will do the growing-two-sizes thing as the result of hanging out with your darling kiddos! But is that a risk you’re really willing to take?
So here’s the question: if you had to choose one of these guys to babysit your kids, who would YOU choose? Tell me about it in the comments below!
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